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| Wow, storytime!
I was in Covel today and I bumped into my friend G. Here's the convo:
G:"Hey! Who are you eating with?"
Me:"Oh, with my fellowship in the room :) "
G: "I had a feeling....you Christians!!!!"
Me:"Yea..."
G:"Hey, so this is a totally random question, but do you believe in Creationism?"
Me:"UH, what's Creationism?" (stupid response on my part)
Me: "Wait, is it that God created the universe?"
G:"Uh, well I don't know we were talking about this in my bio class, so I thought of you and I wondered what you thought about it...but I have to go, but I really want to talk about it."
Me: *taken aback* "Uhh, ok!"
G:"Yea, because you're like the only Christian friend that I have so...."
Me:"Yea for sure, we'll talk about it on Friday or something! I'm excited!"
G:"YEA, me too!!"
I am so thankful that God has given me this opportunity to 1) be a part of this friend's life...and to be...the only Christian friend 2) have him actually ask me about this and want to talk about this.
Please pray for me! I think this is the first time I will have this talk with a non-believer. Pray that the Holy Spirit will speak through me; that I won't be afraid to speak the truth no matter what response G gives me; that I will armor myself with God's Word & what is true.
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| Being in Project Literacy for almost 1 year now, I've grown to be kind of apathetic about it. It's been the same routine. 3pm meet at Ackerman Tournaround, get to the Watts public library by 4pm, try to help my growing-up-way-too-fast sixth grade learner for two hours(but end up listening to her ramble about her school drama, which is intense by the way) and get back to school by 7pm.
There have been many times where I would come back and question why I was still spending 4hrs of my Monday afternoon sitting in long car rides and listening to middle school drama. My learner honestly didn't/doesn't really care much about learning...I think she just goes because it's fun for her. Because of that, I became unmotivated to help her improve.
This Monday was a little different.
My learner brought 3 other girls with her (her best friend, her best friend's older sister, and her neighbor) Naturally they all wanted to stick together, so I ended up "tutoring" all of them. Of course none of them came with the intention to learn...again I think they all came just for fun (cause you know, I'm just a bundle of excitement....HAHA jk) After 1.25 hours of trying to teach the girls their fractions, I became really tired and semi-frustrated. Then one of the girls(my learner's best friend's older sister) starts talking to me about her family.
She and her sister live with their dad. Their mom and older brother lives with their grandma. They aren't allowed to talk to their mom or brother, so they secretly text/ call when their dad is sleeping. They had a babysitter, but their babysitter was shady and does drugs. Their dad has a girlfriend. She said, "I like her, but I don't like it when they kiss." Now, my learner's mom babysits them (which is why they tagged along in the library).
The whole time she was telling me about this, she said it so normally. She didn't seem sad or upset. And I was pretty surprised that she would tell me these things considering that I only knew her for less than 2 hrs.
I sat on it, and realized that the whole time I was tutoring my (actual) learner, she was really spilling her whole life to me. From her stories about her brothers getting into fights with her dad and her family disputes to the usual middle school boy drama, I had totally missed how much hurt she was going through. Although she, too, explained everything very matter-of-factly, I think there was a lot of pain behind it all.
So many broken families and broken relationships. So many marriages gone wrong, arguments ensued from small things. So much anger and pain between family members who are supposed to love and encourage each other. It really makes me sad. Marriage is a gift from God. Something so intimate and passionate. Family is a blessing. These things are being torn apart and ruined and pulled far away from what God intended them to be. So many people lost without YOU, God.
God, thank You for blessing me with parents who love each other and are examples to me and my sister of what it means to committ to one another. For giving me parents who point me to values and decisions that are glorifying and pleasing to You.
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| Wow. The last time that I wrote here was...EARTH DAY 2008! HA-HA-HA.
I know you must be wondering what's been going on in my life (as is everyone else! ...joking!)
Lately, I think God's been showing me how afraid I am...of people and of what people think of me. Yes, I think I am a people-pleaser. In the past week, my eyes were opened to how much the world rejects God, and the truth of His Word... and how much I shrink back in response to all this. I need to change.
Situation #1
I met my friend (let's call this friend G) last spring, but we never talked. This fall quarter, we recognized each other and realized we had 2/3 classes together and were both some type math majors. Winter quarter, we had 115A together (which was death, so we spent a lot of time together studying/being stressed), and this quarter we have 2 math classes together. Now, we never planned to take any of these classes together. It just happened that we chose to take the same classes. So, G is a very chill and down to earth guy. He loves swimming/running/biking/relaxing. Growing up in Hacienda/Rowland and trained to be socially comfortable with only Asians (and asian-washed non-asians), I remember being very awkward around him since he was like my first white guy-friend. Anyway, we're comfortable with each other now. Right away I could tell he was liberal on many things, which made me very afraid to share with him about my faith. Anyway, at some point we were talking about gay marriage, and after hearing my position on it, his response was "oh are you religious?" Fast forward. Last week, I finally got the courage to ask him about his religious background. He told me he used to go to a presbyterian church, but he realized everyone there was being fake, and he didn't want someone/ words in a "book" to dictate what his morals and beliefs should be. I was so discouraged while listening to him, but I just couldn't find the right words, and I became scared again and just replied, "oh, i see."
So shameful. Afterwards, I became so frustrated that I couldn't stand up and tell him the joys of being in Christ, the joys of obeying God. That God's word is not just words in some "book" but it is the TRUTH. That God's word transforms and heals.
Situation #2
I met two new friends while going to Pro Lit, and got to know my other two friends (who I met just this year) a little better. We were in the car together from UCLA to Watts and from Watts to UCLA and then we ate dinner together, so that's a total of ~3 hours together. Probably 2 hours in, I became really...bored and upset. Although we did talk about some personal things, the conversation grew into something so superficial and meaningless. It made me appreciate having gospel-centered friendships so much more. We started to talk about girls/boys. Who looks good, who looks bad, why they look good, why they look bad, what is attractive, etc. BAH. So one of my new friends asked me if I was going to a campus fellowship. I replied, "yes, aacf" and I asked him if he was Christian and if he went to a fellowship (the way he asked me seemed like he was familiar to fellowships). He told me he checked out IV and he's a Christian 9 our of 7 days of the week. (I never heard of that phrase but apprently it means he was Christian growing up, but fell away). He told me he doesn't agree on some of the things in the Bible and that it's not for him. He said he has very liberal interpretations of the Bible. Again, all I could say was, "Oh."
Other instances such as these came up, but I just reacted the same to all of them.
Why am I so afraid to live out my faith? Why do I shrink back in fear when I feel like I'm being attacked for my faith?
God, please let me be like Mary Magdelene and Mary who "hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet FILLED WITH JOY, and ran to tell his disciples" (Matthew 28:8). Challenge me, stretch me, and mold me to be a better tool for your glory. Lord, take me out of my comfrot zone!
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| Is today environmental day or something? Why is everything (google, youtube, yahoo!, and who knows what else) in like...recycle/environment pictures?!?! I am so out of the loop o_O
Jesus,I believe in you
And I would go...
To the ends of the earth
To the of the earth
For you....alone are the Son of God...
And all the world will see
That you are God...
That you are God...
First Anhui meeting yesterday. I am SO excited to go to China...!!!
I just want to fastforward to summertime
OMG is today EARTH DAY?! is there such a day?!
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| Did I really just get through 4 weeks of the quarter? Did I really just get through this week? Holy cow man. Time flies. It was a stressful week. (And no, Christine, even after I looked back on this week, I still don't think that studying was very much fun...HAHA) But it was only by God's strength that I got through it. Whew. No scratches, no scars. I'm alive! :)
Thinking about yesterday's sermon on The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant (Matthew 18:21-33)...
It's so hard to love as God loves, and forgive as God forgives. And I think most of the time, I'm still not humbled; I'm not feeling that total depravity and brokenness...that my sin is immeasurable and disgusting. How can I even understand the greatness of God's forgiving and merciful heart without even being broken and humbled? I struggle so much sometimes to just wrap all that around my head.
Change my heart o Lord
Make it ever new
Change my heart O Lord
May I be like You
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